coobybook Chapter 137 Zhang Xinru 1
Chapter 137 Zhang Xinru 1
My name is Zhang Xinru. Xinru means bitterness and hardship, and I don't like this name at all.
From childhood to adulthood, my parents have often been nagging me.
"I carried you for ten months and endured all the hardships to bring you into this world. You must take good care of me in the future, okay?"
"It wasn't easy for us to give birth to you and raise you, you should know how to be grateful..."
"The reason we named you this is so that you will always remember how hard we've worked..."
These words are deeply etched in my mind. My purpose in life is to be filial to my parents and give them a good life.
I originally thought they loved me too, until they had a younger sister later.
“I wanted a son, but it’s another girl. I’ll just throw her away. One little girl is enough. We can’t support so many children in the family.”
"Only with a son can you have descendants. If you can't have a son, you'll be cursed for having no family line. If you have a daughter, she'll marry into another family..."
I was too young to know whether they abandoned my sister or gave her away, and I never saw that child again after that.
Later, they had a son as they wished, and my parents gave all the little love they had for me to my younger brother.
"This is your younger brother. You need to treat him well, you know? After you get married, he will be your support. If you don't treat him well, who will you treat well..."
My younger brother has hardly ever done any farm work. I'm the one who does almost all the washing, fetching water, weeding, and shopping.
Every time I protested, my mother would say, "Your younger brother is still small, can't you just give in to him?"
I have a good teacher who taught me to study hard and that the only way to change my destiny is through knowledge if I want to leave the mountains.
So I studied hard and always ranked first in my class.
When the neighbors saw the parents, they praised them for raising such a wonderful daughter, asking how they had raised her so well.
This is the only thing I can be proud of. I swear, I will study hard, get into a good university, and earn lots and lots of money for them.
Would my parents take a second look at me then? Would they think that having a daughter is no worse than having a son?
I consistently ranked among the top students in elementary and middle school.
But when I got to high school, I was no longer number one. This sense of loss made me feel frustrated and even caused me to doubt myself.
This was my first time entering a city and witnessing the prosperity of a big city; the visual impact of it deeply shocked me.
This place brings together top students from all over the country. They speak fluent Mandarin, are poised and polite, and each of them looks so clean and tidy.
But I felt out of place with my surroundings.
Look at myself, I just came from the countryside, I'm dark-skinned, thin, and rustic, and I can't even speak standard Mandarin very well.
This stark contrast made me feel deeply inferior and powerless.
This place may just be an ordinary campus to others, but for me it's a place that will take me more than a decade to reach.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never get into the top ten. Later, I got into a second-tier university.
I was hesitating about whether to study for another year and try to get into a good school next year.
When my parents found out I hadn't gotten into a top-tier university, they refused to let me continue my studies, no matter how much I begged them.
Later, I applied for a student loan and worked part-time in the university cafeteria and took on part-time jobs during holidays to support myself through my studies.
Just when I was full of confidence that after crossing this mountain, there would be a flat, open, and unobstructed road ahead, reality gave me a heavy blow.
I searched everywhere for a job, but the results were very disappointing—jobs were not easy to find!
Nowadays, college students are everywhere, making competition extremely fierce.
This has led many companies to become increasingly strict in their recruitment requirements, leaving us recent graduates in an awkward position.
They are unable to meet the demands of high-end positions, yet are unwilling to settle for low-end jobs.
Just then, I heard my classmate say that there was such a thing as "getting ashore" (a metaphor for achieving success), which probably meant she didn't think I had the ability.
However, I was lucky this time; through hard work, I successfully made it ashore.
The places they were assigned to were very far from their hometowns, far on the border. Those with connections and influence stayed in their hometowns.
I embarked on my journey with excitement, my heart filled with anticipation and hope for the future.
However, when I actually faced reality, I was dealt a heavy blow.
I originally thought the road would be smooth sailing, but in reality it was full of thorns and obstacles.
We're all colleagues, but my workload is always more than others; sometimes I work until one or two in the morning.
This is not because I am inefficient or incompetent, but because I cannot refuse the tasks that are handed to me.
Every time her boss assigned her a task, she would pass it on to me without hesitation, and I didn't have the courage to say "no."
Arriving in this unfamiliar place, I felt at a disadvantage.
My colleagues here all seem to have powerful backgrounds, extensive connections, and strong networks, while I am just a lone outsider.
They can easily finish their work and enjoy their leisure time, but I have to put in much more effort and time to cope with the heavy workload.
Seeing everyone else going to work so easily every day, while I have to silently shoulder more responsibilities and tasks, fills me with helplessness and resentment.
It turns out that hard work is a joke when it comes to connections!
This unfair treatment made me feel frustrated and disappointed, and it also made me start to doubt whether I was really suited for this job.
The confidence and enthusiasm that once existed have gradually been worn away, replaced by endless fatigue and confusion.
Yes, I resigned!
Still looking for a job!